it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
