You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
