Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
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