But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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