I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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