I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
