at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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