sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
