I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
