Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
