Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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