I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
