I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
