Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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