I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
