I'm sorry my penis didn't work
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
