there's paper in my vomit.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
