You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
