This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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