the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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