it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
