That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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