I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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