STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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