Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
