Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
