I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
