you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
