used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
