Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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