I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
