what day is it and did you see me today?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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