I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
