For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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