I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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