What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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