You smell like a Billy Joel song
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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