i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
