I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
