I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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