dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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