If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
