Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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