if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
