I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
