just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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