Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
