there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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