conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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