goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You are a genius and a whore.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
