Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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