I just pynch a tree in the face
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
