very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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