you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Every concussion has its silver lining
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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