hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
