I need help removing her.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
